As Christian's, we are taught, right from Biblical scripture, to put God first. Always. He comes before any other human in our lives..so we say. I believe with all my heart that we should live our lives this way, but it's pretty hard, isn't it?! I have always said that I love God more than anyone...but I've never been quite sure how I knew this statement was true for myself. They are easy words to say, and I do love God so much, but for some time, there has been nothing really tangible to prove I could love God more than another person. I love my family so much, could I possible love God more than them?
About 3 years ago, the person in this world that has been closest to me ,since day one of my existence, moved hundreds of miles away from me. My identical twin sister went from living a mile down the road to many miles down the road! The easy explanation for this would be that a new job for my brother in law was what led them there. The real explanation was that God led them there. They both prayed and felt very strongly that God provided this job for them only because there was a divine reason for them to get up and move away. Never in a million years did my sister and I ever think that this day would come; that we would be apart for longer than a lengthy honey moon with our husbands. During the decision making time of this trip, I wanted nothing more than for the whole plan to fall apart and for them to stay. But through lots of praying, I had a gut wrenching certainty that they were right; God wanted them to go and He wanted me to support them in it. Lots of people, even family, were not at all convinced of this decision. Of all these people, I know for a fact that, I wanted them to go least of all; but I knew they had to. I've never missed people so much in my whole life. For the first year, I spent so much time crying that my kids would see me sad and their common reaction was, "mommy misses auntie again!". Now, I'm probably creating this picture, that I never see my sister. We've made quite a successful effort of seeing each other. Aside from a few times, we've found a way to see each other every few months. Nothing compares to every day, but it could have been worse! Every time I've gone to visit them, I get this overwhelming feeling that it would be great to live there. My husband had been told about job opportunities during visits and the houses were homes we could never dream of having in our current location. Plus, we'd be reunited with our (growing) families! It seemed perfect, at times. Of course, we'd be leaving other family and friends behind, and that never felt happy either. But my heartache to be back together with my twin and the desire for our children to grow up together, sometimes, took over that. My husband and I would go back and forth on this every time we'd visit.
In the meantime, at home, my relationship with God had sort of been at a standstill. I was thirsty for a church family and to really belong and have God be more present in my family's lives. I prayed it about for a while, and looking back, God was answering that prayer a long time ago. When my sister left, she also left a group Bible study that we had been part of for several years. Her and I would help to lead the study and when she left, another woman began coming and she took over. After about a year, this woman felt that God wanted me to lead the group. So for a year, I did. I wasn't really sure what God was doing to me in this time, but I could feel that it was something. Later I was asked to be a part of our church's women's ministry planning team. I had an opportunity to give a presentation on beauty (my passion) in front of a large group of women and at the same time, incorporate scripture. (I know it's hard to think you can incorporate the beauty industry with the Bible, but ya had to be there!). I had always been searching for an answer to, "Why, God, did you make me a hairdresser and love making people feel good on the outside?!" Sometimes I felt guilty about that but I began to get those answers. I began getting to know other women, other moms, families, young people, old people.....a family of people! I also began getting so much closer to the Lord. God was opening doors and giving me exactly what I had prayed for. I wasn't standing still anymore.
This summer, on my birthday, (our should I say, our birthday since I've always shared my birthday!) I was having a tough moment, wishing that, on just this one day, us twinsies could be together to celebrate. It was during the month of August that the talk of moving to where my sister lives came up between my husband and I and I was feeling so vulnerable. It was also to the point of which, I had a good feeling, that if I really wanted this, I could totally convince the hubby we needed to do it! Weirdly enough, every time the topic came up, my church's name, Grace Chapel, came to the front of my brain. It was strange because I wasn't feeling attached to our church, nothing like my attachment for my twin, that's for sure! I knew it was a God moment, and for the first time, my desire to move away and be near my other half, was dwindling. I didn't think that was possible!
About a week later, I was asked by our church to be the coordinator for the women's ministry at our church campus. I had never felt so sure about a decision to say "yes" in my life. It wasn't until a few days later that I realized I did something for the very first time. I chose God over a person. Not just any person, but MY person! I stopped considering up-routing our life to be near loved ones and I listened to Him, trusted Him, and loved Him and it felt GOOD! So wait, did God prove something to me, or did I prove something to Him?! It doesn't matter, does it? I don't know what God has planned for me here or at our church, but I know He wants me here. He doesn't want me many miles away. Maybe He took my sister and her family half way across the country for me to realize this, but now at least I know the truth; I really do love God and want to put Him first, and those aren't just words that I question their truth about anymore. I'm so excited to see what God has in store for the future of my family and me. Of course I still miss my sister and her family more than anything, but now I'm working on trusting in God that He will take care of that.
ONE MORE THING!!!
This verse is one I need to refer to often! I hope you will too :)
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.-Proverbs 3:5-6
