Our 2 Weeks of Summer

They're gone. Once again. Another visit in the books. This visit has left me feeling a little different than usual. There was a lot of "usual" that went on while the Bales' were home, but it was a little more...magnified than "usual". There was the usual tears, heightened emotions, and lack of sleep from all of the kids, but it seemed to effect them more this time. Maybe quarters were to close, maybe it was the ages and stages that some of these kids are at, maybe it was that they just didn't feel at home. There was the usual lack of communication between the adults, changing of plans at the last minute, and feeling like there wasn't enough time in the visit for everything we wanted  to do or people we wanted to be with. But this time, some things came to a head, feelings were felt, words were spoken, and exhaustion was upon us all.
I appreciate every visit we have with my sister and her family. But I'm sick of it. I'm sick of things getting harder each and every time. I'm sick of cramming months of unspent time together into several days. I'm sick of all the cousins getting so frustrated with each other by a week into a visit because they go from never seeing each other to being forced on top of each other.  I'm sick of feeling like I don't want to share my sister with anyone else while she's here, I'm sick of not knowing when the next time I'll see  them all again, I'm sick of saying goodbye, and seriously...I'm sick of gaining 10lbs by the time they leave...every time!
So many fingers seem to be pointing in the direction of, MOVE HOME! In my point of view anyway. Oh, how our lives would be changed in so many awesome ways! I hate feeling like we're missing out on a season that we can never repeat. It's going to come and go so quickly and I want us to all be together for it. And we're not. I want us to be that village that I always anticipated us being.
Is it selfish to say that these visits are not enough? They're expensive, they're squished (in so many ways!), they're emotionally draining and few and far between. The kids are SO off routine that we start making excuses for all of them and let them get away with murder. It makes me feel like we're all only seeing glimpses of what these kids are really like because they are so out of the norm. And it's not their fault. I'll shove some candy in every one of my kids faces if it means they'll be quiet so I can have 5 more minutes of chatting with my sister! Bedtime routines are shot because no one wants to spend the time away from anyone to tackle that job. The men go from having amazing times together to hardly talking till the next visit.
I sound like an unappreciative, complaining little brat. I just don't get it. 5 years ago when the Bales moved away, God was most certainly sending them in His direction. It was so clear. But is He always that clear? Sometimes I feel like we wait for God to give us some blatantly obvious sign when it's not really needed. Or is it? Sometimes it seems so clear to me that these guys are supposed to end up back here...and soon. But does anyone else see that, or is it just me? The trips back and forth from Memphis to Boston and Boston to Memphis are getting fewer and fewer but more exhausting each time. I hate not knowing what the future will bring. I live on the hope that things will change but let's be real...it just might not.
I'm going to go back to my Dr.Pepper and box of Cheez-Its now (my own little pity party) and hope for the best. Tomorrow things will go back to normal again and there will be no summer days together or fun sleepovers with the kids. No last minute ice cream runs, or backyard bbq's. No double or triple dates or BFF beach or pool days. Our summer together happened in a chaotic 2 weeks in the middle of May.