A few months ago, we made the courageous decision to home school our 3 children. Lot's of people have been asking, "Can I ask you why? Did something happen at school?". Truth be told, it wasn't just one thing and it wasn't just school. If you asked me a year ago if I'd ever consider home schooling my children, I would've laughed in your face! Not because I'm against it, but because my house is small, my kids are crazy, I'm crazy and home school is a whole lot of crazy to be added to a small house with crazy kids and a crazy mom! God had other plans, though, and I couldn't deny the very strong call to do this over the last several months. One thing I've learned along the way, is to never be so confident in my life plan, thinking that I know what the next moves are all the time. God can change it up at any time and ask me to do something that I didn't plan for, and His plan will always be FAR better than mine!
The journey to this point began before I even knew it was beginning. Almost 2 years ago, my twin sister, Erika, called me and said, "I just took an online test. I have moderate to severe ADD. And by the way, you have it too." I laughed, not surprised much of her result but didn't quite think she was right about me! I hadn't even taken the test yet, so how would she know (when you're an identical twin, you kind of just know stuff...the way no one else could!)? I had her send me the test and sure enough...moderate to severe ADD. I took another, and another until I finally considered that this self diagnosis could be correct. I was kind of devastated. I felt sad in the weeks to follow. I always wondered why I was the way I was and thought my "bad habits" would go away as I got older. Or maybe when my kids got older and I had less on my plate. At this point I was facing the fact that this is not going anywhere; it's a thorn in my side.
A lot of people say, "I think everyone has ADD in them, we all have it a little." It's true that we all can lose focus, and become distracted. When it interrupts your life, affects your day to day and the people in those days, then that's when something needs to be done. While I always considered myself to be someone who had it "a little" I hadn't considered that I have it, like really have it! So when this realization came about, it affected me emotionally. I was sad and felt hopeless. I've gotten really good, over the years, at hiding my ADD and I think I got good at hiding it from myself. I wanted to deny this so badly, but at the same time, I knew God wanted me to do something.
A friend of mine referred me to a psychologist/counselor, and after getting his contact info, I called him...probably 6 months later (cause that's how us ADD peeps do things)! I started going to counseling in October of 2015 and began to learn how to live with this disorder in a way that was rewarding instead of feeling like a failure all of the time. I began learning about myself and how to use my strengths and how to change my outlook on my weaknesses. I turned them into challenges, goals, and began making strides in my day to day life. I was given tools and methods and was being held accountable for them all. There were many times that I would fall down and need to pick myself back up again, but instead of feeling like I failed, I was supported. I had my counselor, my husband, my best friend and my family all on my side. I became more open and honest about having ADD, anxiety, and insecurities. Letting that all out just made me stronger. None of it came easy, and at times, I felt like the changes I was making were going at such a slow pace. When I shared this with my counselor, he encouraged me and told me that my pace was perfect. I had been dealing with ADD my whole life with no help or awareness. My changes shouldn't come overnight! I SHOULD mess up and fall down and learn from my mistakes. As long as I didn't stop and hit rewind; as long as I could keep pressing on, I was on the right track. Once, he compared it to fad diets. People who go on a "quick fix" diet lose lots of weight, feel and look great in a very short amount of time. Then, before they know it, they're back to where they began, and sometimes even worse. This was something I could personally relate to! I began to appreciate this steadier pace; the pace I'm STILL on, to this day. It's guilt free, it's forgiving, and it's paved with victory!
So what does this have to do with home schooling my kids? Well, there's more on that, but I've realized, without learning about myself more, I would've never made the decision to home school. I'll share more about what led me to consider home schooling next time!
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