I left off sharing about how I discovered myself to have adult ADD, how I get help for it, how I'm still working on it, and how I'm learning about myself. During that process one of the things I realized was that I had a lot on my plate. Since it's almost Thanksgiving, I'll use this analogy: every year I look forward to this meal like no other. It's my favorite! We celebrate Thanksgiving at my parents house with lots of family and TONS of food. We set it up buffet style (it looks so pretty!) and I fill my plate, piling all the fixings on top of each other, being careful not to let anything spill over. I take an annual picture of my overflowing dish and dig in. I try with all my might to finish every bite on my plate, regardless of how much I can't breathe for hours post dinner. My life had been relating to this scene very much. "My eyes are bigger than my stomach"...but I somehow make it fit, no matter the cost. I had a lot on my plate in life, and I put everything on the plate all on my own without anyone telling me I had to. I liked being full, but hated not being able to breathe. It would affect my family and my happiness in the end...always. I was advised to start intentionally taking things off my plate and learning to say no...even when I really wanted to say yes at times. It was all about balance. It felt so freeing! While it felt freeing, it also felt still. At one point I had gotten rid of so much that it felt like the calm before the storm (but not in a negative way!). I prayed about it and felt God was saying, "be still, keep learning, something big is headed your way." I told my counselor this and he was very intrigued and excited. At one point I visited my younger sister, who home school's her daughter. She's the same age as my oldest son, and they both have similar focus issues. I couldn't believe what she was learning and how she was soaring with her studies! Meanwhile, my very intelligent son was regressing in school. His teacher kept telling me he couldn't focus, but that he was too smart to get any academic assistance. His class was big...like 25 students big. I started to wonder if I had truly considered all my options. I began researching and researching the idea of homeschooling. I talked about it to my husband and he was interested and supported me in looking into it more. I talked to best friend and sisters. I kept getting mixed reviews.. while one would say, "go for it, best idea!" the other would say, "you just slowed your life down, don't you think you should enjoy that?!" Well I honestly had no desire to just be still and enjoy the slowness, but I also didn't have any interest in crowding my plate again. I prayed, researched and finally brought it to my counselor. This man is a 30 year retiree professor from a prestigious college...the man is very intelligent and really knows his stuff...and my stuff haha! I knew if it was a crazy idea, he would tell me (especially being a former educator). I brought the idea to him and he said, "I think it's exactly what you're supposed to be doing, I think it's going to be the best thing for your kids, and I completely support the idea." Wow! I didn't see that coming. I thought there was a good chance of him saying, "wait another year." or, "are you sure? I'm not sure you're ready for that." But he knew me inside and out and he believed in me! It was so refreshing and exciting. I felt like I graduated something. Husband and I began taking it more seriously. We met other local homeschooling families, we looked into curriculum and home school groups and organizations. We prayed a lot, we eventually talked to the kids about it and came to the decision to go for it. At that point, I had only told my counselor, sisters and best friend. We made it official and began telling family and finally at the end of the school year, we made it more public. I still was working on my insecurities and it was difficult to share this news, a little fearful of what people may think or having to hear their opinions. But honestly, I overcame this insecurity through it all. It made me more confident as time went on. I had ZERO question that this was the direction God was leading me in.
Even after finding out I was pregnant, even after being more fatigued in the last few months than I've ever been (or so it seems), even after most of my alone time has vanished, even though I clearly don't have this down yet, and even though the transition from public school to home school has been nothing short of a never ending struggle...I still just know. Life wasn't meant to be still, or easy and it looks different for us all. God has nestled Himself in our lives and in this decision. He's here all the time and works through others to provide just what we need: support and words of encouragement, help from family, friends, neighbors, and of course, my counselor! The kids are learning a ton (and so am I!) and we are figuring this out together. I love the flexibility it's given us. I can send my kids outside when I sense they need to get their wiggles out. I can start our day, and stop our day, at any time to interrupt with prayer when we need it most. We can do school in our PJ's, or we can go outside or to the library. It's our own playing field and I make the rules that best fit for MY kids individually and not as a large classroom. Right now, this is my full time job, my full time ministry and so far, I have no regrets!
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